Hi Shawn, that last blog we did was fun, let’s do it again with a new topic. Today I want to ask about women’s expectations. As you know, I joined Match.com and Zoosk.com to look for local prospects in Milwaukee. Both of these “fine” dating services email me a daily selection of women that their software believes would be a good match. While that may or may not be true, I can always count on these emails providing my buddies and me great amusement. Let me explain.
When you click the profile of someone who may interest you, you receive information about what she is looking for in a long term partner. Here is where the fun starts. Many times there would be a moderately attractive woman who was let’s say 46 years old. When you look at the age range of the men she was looking for, many times it would report that her target match was 35 to 44 years of age. As a man who used to be a stockbroker, I would instinctively know that she set her market price way too high and I would find the situation amusing. Now maybe if she was an ex model or ex college cheerleader who was still a workout queen, she could get away with that asking price. But that clearly wasn’t the case. As time would go on, there would be at least two women like that on every daily email that I would get. Another example would be of women who looked clearly older but yet would expect the absolute moon from a potential dating partner.
When I would go out with the guys for a drink, they would always ask me how my dating efforts were going. As a matter of course, I would show them these profiles on my iPhone. I swear to God I would get these guys laughing so hard at the expectations of these women! You can just imagine the mocking and jeering from these guys. This lighthearted ridicule is now an established part of our drinking/bonding ritual. And the guys that I hang around with would not be considered losers by women. Some are married, some are divorced but they are all accomplished.
I really don’t mean to mock or demean women in this story that I am sharing. I just feel bad that they are so unrealistic that they will never achieve their goals. It’s too bad that these women could not get honest feedback from the “male” market because the only feedback that they will get is simply silence. I remember a story where friend of mine was selling his house by himself. It was a nice house, but it was way too overpriced. He couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t getting any bids so he hid a tape recorder in his kitchen to capture the comments of potential buyers and real estate agents that came through his house. He was shocked at the honest feedback he got and he eventually came around to pricing his house correctly. It’s too bad that women who are trying to find dating partners can’t do the same thing. So I throw it out to you Shawn, how do you deal with the unrealistic expectations of both your male and female clients? I am sure it is not easy!
Nick, you really do get it! The way I see it, my job as a professional matchmaker is to also educate my male clients and female members on the “real” market of available singles. Even though I truly “do know” that there is somebody for everybody, I usually find that many people hang on very tightly (at least initially) to a long laundry list of “ideal partner must haves”. Although my male clients have most of these attributes, few men can measure up against many women’s requirements.
As I read through your side of the “great expectation” divide, a recent encounter with a lady (age 53) came to mind. When I asked what her “top five criteria” were for her future partner, she looked at me with the most serious big blue eyes and replied “I would like him to be breathing”! I almost cracked a rib and fell off my chair as she joined me in my laughter at her response. God, I love this woman!! We really hit it off and she certainly did make my day. I could not resist replying to her that I wished she could help other individuals “be a bit more OPEN-MINDED when going on a first date and seeing where things can end up”.
Honestly, the last couple of weeks left me feeling as though another boat had just docked in Whitefish Bay and unloaded yet another group off FANTASY ISLAND. It left me mentally wondering if little Tattoo was around here somewhere looking to bring me a needed umbrella drink!
Here is reality for everybody. The older we ALL get, the more “open minded” we need to be when entering into the dating arena. I am not one to ever advocate lowering your standards of how one should be treated or not having a bar set of basic things you need and will not tolerate. But we need to be realistic when you are in your 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. Having realistic expectations is going to help you improve your odds greatly in finding your future long-term partner. Since one of my gifts is reading a client’s energy, personality and where he/she is at in their life, I try to be as open as possible regarding what’s really available in Milwaukee. Some women just do not want to learn from their past experiences and the best I can do is just be silent and listen to what they need to tell me. We all have walked our own unique path down the love trail.
If you gather the courage to be open, learn the lessons from your past and choose to set realistic expectations for your future partner, a happier life will opening up to you that much sooner.